THE ARTICULATE BITCH : CLUB CHRONICLES PT. 2
Part two of this sheeeeit… U ready?
Ladies: if your belly hangs over your belt obstructing your view of said belt at any point around your waist, your shirt is too revealing and you need to hide your midriff or “tuck in yuh belly” as the Jamaicans say. This is ridiculous. Really. Why must I state the obvious so often when in regards to clothing selection. Y’all are buggin’.
I never thought I would have to say this but dudes are not supposed to be dancing with each other in the club. I don’t care how non-gay you think you look jumping up and down to Meek Mill tracks with your arms very heterosexually hooked around your homeboys. Don’t do that shit. Especially if you don’t have your designated space aka a booth to do so. ‘Cause now I gotta duck and dodge while you fools carry on in the centre of the dance floor, in hopes you won’t sock me in the eye with your elbow or stomp carelessly on my cute shoes and fresh pedicure.
I don’t know what it is that makes people forget about the fact that they share space with people. This isn’t exclusive to just the club but the worst violations do occur here. We know, it’s hot and crowded. At some point you will have to enter that sacred personal bubble of space reserved just for one person. It happens. But while in that space, is it too much to ask for a little consideration? A simple “excuse me” while passing someone, or an innocent “I’m sorry” if you bump someone’s drink or accidentally spill yours. These things take absolutely nothing away from you, and can make a world of difference in your clubbing experience. On one hand, you make your parents proud that they taught you some GODDAMN manners, people are more likely to give you the space you need if you can just be polite about it. And on the other hand you avoid the unnecessary drama that comes with not acknowledging an innocent mistake like stepping on someone’s shoe, brushing them or spilling a drink. It’s so simple I don’t know why more people don’t do it.
I know the city is small. We all seem to know each other one way or another. So, to the very specific group of ladies I’m about to address, please understand this: I’m not knockin’ the hustle. With that said, when I’m getting ready to go to the club, and I do my little “idiot check” to make sure I’m not forgetting anything, there’s not much I need to bring. Keys, lighter, smokes/Pre-rolled doobies, ID, phone, lip gloss/stick, money. That’s it! I almost never bring a purse. And if I do it’s a small clutch or pouch. So, to the girls standing in the booths (or not) with the super long hair, long nails and notorious B.I.G. purse…. That huge bag…. Is like a fucking neon sign that flashes STRIPPER. I’m sorry, maybe y’all don’t care, but HONESTLY, WHAT’S IN THAT BAG? What could YOU ladies possibly need more than I do, that requires you to bring that Louis Vuitton Speedy 30 to the club? Pepper spray does NOT take up that much space. Perhaps it’s just a show off thing. Maybe y’all just want people to SEE that you have a nice bag. Sure. But FYI Louis Vuitton also has beautiful clutches and evening bags sweetie. This is not a “go big or go home” situation. It’s just another night at the club.
The Articulate Bitch